am in a happy mood... lalalalala =) 3:28 am.. sitting in front of my laptop.. watching the espn gamecast live.. arsenal v villa! and soon madrid v mallorca is coming on on channel i. finally. the first soccer match i get to WATCH LIVE from the comfort of my hall.. ergh. why doesn't nuscast have like espn or something?!
really sleepy as well.. at first i thought i could get some sleep before catching the matches but nooooo.... apparently other pple had other plans for me.. just as i was about to go catch some sleep suddenly everyone started icq-ing me and yes so all i did for like 1/1/2 hrs was just type and type and type and talk and yak non stop. so i was grouchy for a little while.. grrrr... why couldn't they just LET ME SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh well but good food perks me up too! just popped into eujin's room to get tom yam cup noodles... yummm.. oh yeah did i mention that he's an arsenal fan? =)
shucks can arsenal just hurry up and score?!!! what's the use of dominating if you fail to score?!
some people are so incredibly great to talk to and you feel so comfortable around them... it's like you've known them all your life when in fact you've only just met. and yet there are others whom you'll still continue to feel awkward with despite knowing them since time immemorial...
walked back from the law library last night. it was incredibly surreal. and perfect at the same time.
the slight drizzle, the cool night breeze, the black sky occasionally streaked by lightning flashes. it was soo beautiful.
and being alone made all the difference. can't remember when i last had time to myself.
remember the line from the savage garden song? "i believe i'm most loved when i'm by myself, alone." or something like that. that's one of the truest -if there is such a word- lines i've ever come across so far.
of course i wasn't in the greatest of moods. had lotsa stuff on my mind. but the night always manages to calm me down... somehow the torrent of emotions gets soothed into a gentle ebb and flow of thoughts.
oh yeah and shaun promised to let me drive his van around whenever the chance arises! yeah! I'm on top of the world!
i miss running. i miss runnING. i miss RUNNING. i MISS RUNNING. I MISS RUNNING!
feel like i'm in a perpetual constipated state. haha. guess it's coz i don't eat enough fruits in the hall. don't talk about vegetables... i'll never touch another vegetable in my life!!
okok.. time to return lynn's laptop to her =)
ohmygodi'msoexcitedi'malmostfallingovermyselftowriteeverythingdown....
highlight of the day: I DROVE SHAUN HO'S VAN!!!!!!!!!!! and it wasn't even like i asked to drive it or anything!!! it went something like this:
we (me, mavis, xiuling and shaun) were at sdba to pick up mavis' paddle and shaun was supposed to give us a lift to kallang mrt.
then i saw car no 46 from the ubi driving centre outside sdba.
me: hey i learnt in that car before!
shaun: weiting you know how to drive?!
me: i'm still learning!
shaun: great you can drive us over to kallang mrt then!
AND HE JUST TOSSED ME HIS KEYS!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! goodness... that was howww cool!!
yeah.. so i drove.. part of the way only though.. yeah and i haven't gotten my licence yet.. for those of you who think it's no big deal..
ok the time trials didn't materialise but still got to paddle anyway. i really don't know how the nus team manages to paddle their ks without footstraps. brings back nightmares of rjc's seagull. footstraps make all the difference in stability. especially when you're racing. and in choppy conditions. i was so sure i was gonna cap but thank god i didn't as the water was surprisingly calm today. and there were no disgusting coast guard boats around. then i went down in a k2 with mavis. it felt damn good. but we were tired out after 500m and our attempted burst was hardly a burst at all. it was great. canoeing is great. =)
meanwhile i have to find a way to fit all my worldly possessions into 5 cardboard boxes. 5 only!!! and i have so much stuff!!! packing is the thing i hate most about moving house. bleargh.
life is good. in lynn's room now... don't feel like going back yet even though i've got 3 lectures tmr and haven't started preparing for them yet! heh. but who cares... =)
just came back from a midnight walk to 7-11.. don't even know why we decided to buy alcohol... but we did. 2 cans of heineken for lynn the beer addict... and long island tea. suddenly feel like drinking myself silly. have never gotten drunk or wasted before but i think it's something everyone should experience at least once in their lifetimes. don't ask me why.. just don't do it too often. it's really nice walking out late at night and singing songs out loud. songs from our canoeing days... but we could only remember a few. how did we manage to sit on the beach and sing non-stop last time???
ok.. char's bday is officially over. nydc's food is so good. their parmesan mushroom spaghetti. heavenly. seriously i've got no desire to try any of their other dishes after this... just want to have parmesan mushroom everytime i go. oh and now i remember! the delicious mushrooms at the borders cafe are called portobello mushrooms! yesh. then ice cream at haagen dazs at esplanade. bailey's and tiramisu with rainbow sprinkles and roasted almond nuts. this is what life should be.
chilling out with good food, great company. talking, doing silly stuff, taking photos, hanging out, then walking out to the bay and looking out at the sea.
oh man... how i miss that kind of life.
i really have nothing to say but somehow i just feel compelled to write something.
damnit... MY TAGBOARD IS DOWN!!!!!! shucks...
danish cookies taste wonderfully great at 12:50 am at night especially when
1) you're damn tired and damn hungry after a run
2) lunch wasn't satisfying enough
3) you hardly had any dinner coz the mee pok you ordered was spoilt by having ketchup in it
4) you're staying in a hall.....
huiling and i are really snacking so so much... just bought a truckload of food from the nus co-op yesterday and now it's almost gone...
not to mention lynn's fridge which is just a 30 sec walk away.. and lynn's room has always lots and lots of good food.....
really miss having good food. the last good meal i had was with char. at nydc. and then travelling all the way to esplanade for haagen dazs ice cream...
heavenly! =)
i miss pastamania's creamy chicken, kenny rogers' side dishes, pizza hut buffet, breeks buffet, cafe cartel's mushroom pasta thingy, nydc's elephanccino,
coffee bean's cinnamon ice blended, starbucks' expresso frappucino, movenpick's maple walnut ice cream, crunchy nachos with hot melted cheese, spagheddis' calamari, j8 food court's 'ma la mian', cup noodles, instant noodles, seoul garden...... blah blah blah... even the hawker centre's mee pok with extra chilli, vinegar, NO BEANSPROUTS, KETCHUP OR VEGETABLES.......
oh yeah... and.......................
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY CHAR!!!
enjoying my night of solitude in my room. suddenly realise how much i crave and need my personal space.
2:30 a.m. ... getting more and more wide awake as the night darkens.
no one sleeps before 3 in halls i believe.
someone save my dysfunctional body clock.
want to walk over to engine to buy cup noodles but lack coins.. SHUCKS!!!
miss my piano.
getting to sleep is a chore nowadays. by the time 4 am comes i'm usually too awake to fall asleep.
am seriously contemplating going for a run now.
the night is drawing me, pulling my nocturnal soul.
my phone's current greeting message is: "the night feeds the darkness in my soul"
miss the nights in france.
want to walk down the banks of the seine. feel the autumn breeze. hear the gentle lap of water. watch the leaves fall. hear the night whisper to me. dig up old memories. enjoy the sense of being alone in the world.
canoeing time trials on sat.
i chose to do k1
shit what if i capsize...
but paddling a T1 is hell.
school's been really tiring, even though it's only been the 1st week. and i'm not the only one who feels this way. almost all my friends feel quite drained and sick of everything. but i'm happy coz my friends keep me alive. =)
on another note.. sharm left on sat morning... at FREAKING 5 A.M.!!! so char and i spent a long cold night camping out at changi airport... eating at coffee bean, attempting to study, talking some, falling asleep.. and finally it became too freezing cold so we went out to the drop off point and i slept the rest of the night. and char!! bring a jacket or something next time man!!! heh. thank god candice's flight will be at a sane time.. 10 plus at night. anyway... was really surprised at how packed the airport was at 5 am.. apparently most of the people going to the states are leaving these few days and according to sharm, this was a particularly cheap flight, -northwest- so lots of singaporeans were on it. we were so shocked to see shan danielle and gerrie.. who were there to send gen off.. and they had no idea that sharm was flying off as well! went for a really early breakfast at BK and i think i was still half asleep coz when the guy asked if i wanted coffee, tea or iced milo i really had no idea what he was talking about! i knew i wanted tea and i could already taste it in my mouth, but somehow i just forgot it was called 'tea'... so i spent a really embarrassing 5 seconds umm-ing and ah-ing before i finally said 'tea'...
i love the airport. the sadness of parting, the joy at returning home, the anticipation of seeing a long-lost friend, the not wanting to return after a marvellous stint abroad... and many many more emotions all packed together.. and i can feel everything in the air. used to sit at the viewing gallery watching the planes fly off.. taking with them all these people with their hopes and dreams and i really wondered when it could be my turn. I want to leave someday, and somehow i know i will. I don't feel any emotional attachment to singapore at all. One day i'll just leave, with no strings attached, to find some place in the world that i can love with all my heart. Maybe France? I left a piece of myself there when i last went and i want to go back and find it again.
why do some people think it's so freaking easy to get attached? there's so much more to a relationship then just liking each other. some days i seriously doubt if i would want to get attached even if i find my soulmate. maybe i love freedom too much. then again, maybe if the right guy comes along, i might just want to start something with him. and what about him whom i love? he is slowly fading out of my life, out of my mind. some nights i dig deep inside me and cannot find much of him left. is love only transitory then? how could it be?
the raffles hall grand piano sucks! seriously it does!!!! firstly it's out of tune... really really way out of tune, some of the keys have sunk so deep inside they are incapable of producing sound of any form and the 'cover' of the piano bench has come off.. how how how am i gonna play it? no wonder the guy playing before me sounded so bad.....
and meanwhile i don't know what i'm doing online when i've a million other things due tomorrow.... there are tons and tons of stuff to read every night and assignments that are due very soon and stuff that i'm supposed to have read but haven't and ya.. the list goes on and here i am just happily blogging away.. and poor huiling is rushing her architecture project and i don't think we'll both get much sleep tonight... jia you girl!
but really despite all these i think life is great life is GREAT life IS GREAT LIFE IS GREAT!! =)
went running on the nus track tonight coz i was bothered by uhm... stuff.. but i really enjoyed my run. the cool night breeze on my face, my feet flying over the track, lap after lap.. pushing myself to the limit.. wow. incredible. but i also realised how unfit i am now. how am i ever gonna make a serious challenge on my canoeing days' 2.4 personal best time????....
char just reminded me not too long ago that it's world left-handers' day today! hey all you fellow lefties out there... this calls for a celebration! the celebration of our identity, our uniqueness, the gift that GOD gave us to stand out from the rest of the population. HAPPY LEFTIES DAY!!!
ok think i'm going a little nuts. but seriously.. those who know me well must know how much being left-handed means to me. i always say it's the greatest gift HE could have ever given me and i really believe it.
ok.. wonder how i'm gonna stay awake to complete all my readings.. considering i'm only starting like NOW...
i have a sprained finger. thank god it's not on my left hand. lefties of the world.. UNITE!!!
i hate it. hate it when i'm in a bad mood and snap at people without meaning to. then right away i feel guilty and that makes my mood even worse.
saw someone in school today whom i normally would have said hi to. but i just turned and took a detour just to avoid any contact. how antisocial.
bleargh...
this is one of the times when i feel unloved and unwanted.... and my mood is just going down down down from an initial high this morning. i don't even know what started it off. the soccer match? most probably. hah. those of you who read my site must think i'm feeling sentimental half the time and in a bad mood the other half. come to think of it, just one or 2 years ago i was really happy and carefree.. with practically no worries. now i've mood swings.. from total euphoria to utter dejectedness within minutes. even books i read can take me on an emotional roller coaster ride. and there are times when i feel numb and emotionally drained.. guess it's because i've started to feel and care much more for the people and things and situations around me and it's not entirely a bad thing. you can even call it good i guess. it would be really sad to go through life perpetually devoid of emotion.
yesh.. guess as usual i expected too much. was it even alot to expect? and what does it say? that I don't love? coz isn't love all about giving and not expecting anything in return? and is it even human to not expect anything in return? is that what love is about? shouldn't love be about sharing? to me love should be about sharing your life with someone... all your thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears, sorrow and joy. love is about giving; giving all that you can; taking all that the other has to give to you, and meeting up to each other's expectations such that your lives fall into a natural rhythm.
if at the end of the day, there is someone whom i love and someone who loves me, who would i choose? would i choose someone who can make me happy or someone whom i can make happy? the answer used to be pretty clear to me. but now i wonder. am I becoming more selfish? more cynical?
ok -snap out of depressed mood- . real's playing thailand now.. real leading 1-0. surprised actually. it's already the 2nd half and i expected more from real. hmmm... maybe a certain someone's pulling the whole team down. i'm not naming any names but you guys should know. oh well. but who am i to comment when i haven't even been watching it? ...
i'm obsessed with blogging..
hmm anyway started getting sentimental about canoeing again so surfed around and found the braca site.
here's the paddle i use!
here's what it says about my beloved bracsa IV: "The ever popular traditional Brácsa I shape but with reduced blade area. An exceptional blade for lightweight male and female athletes."
oh when will i ever get to hold mine in my hands again? right now he stands proudly in a corner of my room on his own sponge looking out of the window. i wonder if he yearns for the sea, the feeling of slicing through the water. does he think fondly of his training days long gone by? or is he content to just dream occasionally of kallang.. and wait patiently till i am ready for him again?
hmm.. tried looking for my very own k1 but don't even know it's manufacturer.. but found some lovely k1s in the process...
and
and of course i haven't forgotten my eternal dream of paddling in a k4!!
oh my god i just read my dearest roomie danette's blog and I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!!!
I DO NOT DISAPPEAR 90% OF THE TIME!!!!!!!!
i know you miss me alot most of the time, but ...
I was there when we hid under the beds, there when we went to ikea to shop for stuff for our room, there when lynn did her class klutz act and there to celebrate your bday with the huge happening bday cake that lynn bought!!!!!!!
hmmmph.. in fact I counted and i only disappear like 89.2% of the time ok!!!!!!!
heh.. but true.. law is quite happening...
but when term starts you'll be even more happening in your studio with your sketch pads and drafting pens and tracing paper and whatnots... hahaha...
then i'll start taking over the room!!!!!!!
oh and just to clarify things.. when i mentioned my new house in my last post i really meant my new HOUSE in hougang and not my new ROOM in RH...
=o)
woke up this morning realising it's the second last day of my wonderful 9 month long break. there were so many things I planned to do but never did come around to doing except maybe go out, and go out.. and go out.. and spend money. oh yes i spent so much money i don't even know where half of it went to. And in the meantime, my room is still in a huge mess, i've still forgotten most of my french, haven't made those long cycling trips round the island, haven't gotten my driving licence, haven't learnt how to roller blade, haven't gone on a trip with my friends (blame it on SARS!), haven't read as much as i wanted to, haven't downloaded enough music, haven't gone down to kallang to paddle, haven't beaten my 2.4 personal best, haven't played the piano enough, haven't paid off my enormous sleep debt yet (and trust me, it's gonna start accumulating once i officially move into my hall), haven't gone sky diving, haven't gone on my roller coaster tour, haven't visited highbury, haven't kissed santa claus, haven't eaten crocodile meat, haven't gotten drunk, haven't shoplifted, haven't murdered somebody.... and the list goes on and on and on.
guess i'll miss my piano the most when i start living on campus. my piano is the one i'll always go to when i'm down.. feeling melancholy or simply feel like playing something and it'll always manage to calm me down and make me feel at peace with the world again. i know i haven't been a very faithful owner and haven't been practising regularly since I stopped lessons 5 years ago and it sounds weird huh. me saying I love playing so much but somehow haven't managed to find the time and commitment to play regularly. hard to explain. besides that my technique is really bad now... have been trying to work on hanon and czerny to get better. one good thing is i think i play with much more emotional depth these days and I can really feel it. i used to dread debussy even though he was my favourite simply because i couldn't express well... and gone are the days when i loved bach simply because i could just bang and let my fingers run their way through the song without paying too much attention to expression...
sigh. i am so gonna miss my piano...
ok.. think i shall go spend some time with it.. and after that try to lug some of my rubbish to my new house........
sentosa was a blast! and my OG rocks!
funny how the thoughts were fighting their way out of my head and into my blog when i was sitting around being bored to tears at home and how words seem to fail me now when i've just returned from 3 days of fun, friends, the sand, sun and the sea, creepy legends and spooky abandoned houses...
oh and if you all are interested, i broke the law last night, at the tender age of 19. bwahahaha.. yes i really did!!! and i'm so proud of it!!!!!!!!!!
- a million grins -
brandied cherry has got to be the ^best^ ice cream flavour ever invented!
I remember sec 4 prom when we played bridge for about 9 hours straight with only lunch in between... and the canoeists' illegal gambling den on the southern island (can't remember which one) where I had an amazing winning streak... didn't ever think i could get sick of this game... now it seems like I am...
to you: when my days are packed, i don't think of you as much. the times i do, i don't see you as clearly; don't feel you as deeply. your face becomes merely one out of many in my sea of thoughts. i subconsciously stop myself from feeling too much. but all it takes is a little thing; a list; a word; a familiar name, to trigger a flood of emotions in me. memories come back to me in a rush... the heartache, the love, the tears, the joy, the comfort. Your face, your name, your touch, your words... all weave themselves into a web that binds me time and time again... and i fall under your spell...
10 things i've learnt recently:
1. court shoes are really really really uncomfortable. and i mean it.
2. that you'll graduate with 1st class honours if your mailbox no. is even
3. most female law freshies do not own a white long sleeved shirt
4. and when the need for one arises, the first place they think of is G2000.. and end up with exactly the same shirt.
5. some 21 year old guys do not know how to wear a tie
6. law seniors can already lie incredibly well
7. no one wants to serve you when you're wearing a t-shirt and shorts which make you look incredibly young
8. when you mention you need stuff for a LAW function suddenly they scramble over each other to serve you. really well.
9. catered food for law functions are really really good. trust me.
10. the only honest lawyer is a dead lawyer... or so they say.
to you:i've almost forgetten your face.
he looked so much like you it was scary. the same looks, right down to the little actions and mannerisms.
i had to stop myself from staring.
i don't know when i'll see you again
but i'll see him much more often
will his face replace the fading image of you that i have in my mind?
matriculation! now i guess you can call me a full-fledged nus student at last =) seems like i walked round campus a hundred times, spent hundreds of dollars (really!) and signed up for hundreds of things... and all in a day! oh yessh finally got a laptop! had initially decided on a toshiba satellite but switched to a toshiba portege m100 totally on impulse! just fell in love with it's compact elegant and sleek design. much much nicer than that chunky satellite which weighs 2.8 kg. i don't exactly want to do weights even when i'm not working out at the gym... especially since i joined canoeing!
saw shaun at the canoeing booth and was delighted when he told me he -in his own words- "just ordered a new batch of k1s" for the team. k1's!!! until i talked to another senior and realised his idea of 'batch' meant ONE. hmmm... signed up for canoe polo also which should be quite fun.. also also also *drumroll* motoring! can't wait to go go-karting man! =) ... now now now.. and where does that leave time for work?
oh yesh speaking of work. got our law mailbox keys already.. as fate would have it, my mailbox is right at the top! yes i have to reach up to fit the key in , tiptoe to even see if there's stuff inside and sorta fumble around in case there are small objects lying right at the very back. oh but i don't know if i can reach the back of my mailbox yet.. haven't exactly tried. arrrgh. yup this would have been hilarious had everyone else not been exclaiming in shock and horror upon finding stuff in their mailboxes. yes there was a pile of stuff inside.. some legal journals and whatnots. and of course a heap of notes on law of torts and contract law.. was there contract law? can'trememberhaven'tlookedateverythingyet.. oh my gosh hope we don't have to read everything before the first lecture coz i am reallyveryhappyenjoyingmyselfnow and don'twanttostartwork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
prof. beckman's talk today was thought provoking. hmm.. yes law is certainly a tough subject which requires lots of work, thinking, preparation and discussion and i do want to do well. so yes. no more slacking like i did in jc. although this thought horrifies me. i've been slacking since the end of O levels don't ask me how i got thru A levels but ya..
the highlight of friday was still CHECKING INTO MY HALL!!!! wow! although my room's a far cry from hotel standards and danette has to face a rubbish dump outside our rm when she wakes up in the morning it's still great!! =) my room looks out onto lots of greenery and huiling!! i heard a bird chirping when i went back this morn! so there's really niao3 yu3 hua1 xiang1 there! haha.. but if not for the trees we would be able to look right into lynn's and anqi's rm and spy on them -evil grin-. hall life is gonna be fun fun fun fun.
hmmm... haha.. well actually i kinda cheated coz i clicked around and tried different names before I found something I wouldn't mind dying of. Okok... it wasn't supposed to come out like that.. what i actually mean is i'd rather die of lead poisoning than other stuff like drowning..
candice
danette
danielle
diana
fang
hanshuo
james
jieyun
joanne
mavis
melissa
ru
shan
sharon
sylvia
xiuling
xiuying
am in a happy mood... lalalalala =) 3:28 am.. sitting in front of my laptop.. watching the espn gamecast live.. arsenal v villa! and soon madrid v mallorca is coming on on channel i. finally. the first soccer match i get to WATCH LIVE from the comfort of my hall.. ergh. why doesn't nuscast have like espn or something?!
really sleepy as well.. at first i thought i could get some sleep before catching the matches but nooooo.... apparently other pple had other plans for me.. just as i was about to go catch some sleep suddenly everyone started icq-ing me and yes so all i did for like 1/1/2 hrs was just type and type and type and talk and yak non stop. so i was grouchy for a little while.. grrrr... why couldn't they just LET ME SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh well but good food perks me up too! just popped into eujin's room to get tom yam cup noodles... yummm.. oh yeah did i mention that he's an arsenal fan? =)
shucks can arsenal just hurry up and score?!!! what's the use of dominating if you fail to score?!
some people are so incredibly great to talk to and you feel so comfortable around them... it's like you've known them all your life when in fact you've only just met. and yet there are others whom you'll still continue to feel awkward with despite knowing them since time immemorial...
walked back from the law library last night. it was incredibly surreal. and perfect at the same time.
the slight drizzle, the cool night breeze, the black sky occasionally streaked by lightning flashes. it was soo beautiful.
and being alone made all the difference. can't remember when i last had time to myself.
remember the line from the savage garden song? "i believe i'm most loved when i'm by myself, alone." or something like that. that's one of the truest -if there is such a word- lines i've ever come across so far.
of course i wasn't in the greatest of moods. had lotsa stuff on my mind. but the night always manages to calm me down... somehow the torrent of emotions gets soothed into a gentle ebb and flow of thoughts.
oh yeah and shaun promised to let me drive his van around whenever the chance arises! yeah! I'm on top of the world!
i miss running. i miss runnING. i miss RUNNING. i MISS RUNNING. I MISS RUNNING!
feel like i'm in a perpetual constipated state. haha. guess it's coz i don't eat enough fruits in the hall. don't talk about vegetables... i'll never touch another vegetable in my life!!
okok.. time to return lynn's laptop to her =)
ohmygodi'msoexcitedi'malmostfallingovermyselftowriteeverythingdown....
highlight of the day: I DROVE SHAUN HO'S VAN!!!!!!!!!!! and it wasn't even like i asked to drive it or anything!!! it went something like this:
we (me, mavis, xiuling and shaun) were at sdba to pick up mavis' paddle and shaun was supposed to give us a lift to kallang mrt.
then i saw car no 46 from the ubi driving centre outside sdba.
me: hey i learnt in that car before!
shaun: weiting you know how to drive?!
me: i'm still learning!
shaun: great you can drive us over to kallang mrt then!
AND HE JUST TOSSED ME HIS KEYS!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! goodness... that was howww cool!!
yeah.. so i drove.. part of the way only though.. yeah and i haven't gotten my licence yet.. for those of you who think it's no big deal..
ok the time trials didn't materialise but still got to paddle anyway. i really don't know how the nus team manages to paddle their ks without footstraps. brings back nightmares of rjc's seagull. footstraps make all the difference in stability. especially when you're racing. and in choppy conditions. i was so sure i was gonna cap but thank god i didn't as the water was surprisingly calm today. and there were no disgusting coast guard boats around. then i went down in a k2 with mavis. it felt damn good. but we were tired out after 500m and our attempted burst was hardly a burst at all. it was great. canoeing is great. =)
meanwhile i have to find a way to fit all my worldly possessions into 5 cardboard boxes. 5 only!!! and i have so much stuff!!! packing is the thing i hate most about moving house. bleargh.
life is good. in lynn's room now... don't feel like going back yet even though i've got 3 lectures tmr and haven't started preparing for them yet! heh. but who cares... =)
just came back from a midnight walk to 7-11.. don't even know why we decided to buy alcohol... but we did. 2 cans of heineken for lynn the beer addict... and long island tea. suddenly feel like drinking myself silly. have never gotten drunk or wasted before but i think it's something everyone should experience at least once in their lifetimes. don't ask me why.. just don't do it too often. it's really nice walking out late at night and singing songs out loud. songs from our canoeing days... but we could only remember a few. how did we manage to sit on the beach and sing non-stop last time???
ok.. char's bday is officially over. nydc's food is so good. their parmesan mushroom spaghetti. heavenly. seriously i've got no desire to try any of their other dishes after this... just want to have parmesan mushroom everytime i go. oh and now i remember! the delicious mushrooms at the borders cafe are called portobello mushrooms! yesh. then ice cream at haagen dazs at esplanade. bailey's and tiramisu with rainbow sprinkles and roasted almond nuts. this is what life should be.
chilling out with good food, great company. talking, doing silly stuff, taking photos, hanging out, then walking out to the bay and looking out at the sea.
oh man... how i miss that kind of life.
i really have nothing to say but somehow i just feel compelled to write something.
damnit... MY TAGBOARD IS DOWN!!!!!! shucks...
danish cookies taste wonderfully great at 12:50 am at night especially when
1) you're damn tired and damn hungry after a run
2) lunch wasn't satisfying enough
3) you hardly had any dinner coz the mee pok you ordered was spoilt by having ketchup in it
4) you're staying in a hall.....
huiling and i are really snacking so so much... just bought a truckload of food from the nus co-op yesterday and now it's almost gone...
not to mention lynn's fridge which is just a 30 sec walk away.. and lynn's room has always lots and lots of good food.....
really miss having good food. the last good meal i had was with char. at nydc. and then travelling all the way to esplanade for haagen dazs ice cream...
heavenly! =)
i miss pastamania's creamy chicken, kenny rogers' side dishes, pizza hut buffet, breeks buffet, cafe cartel's mushroom pasta thingy, nydc's elephanccino,
coffee bean's cinnamon ice blended, starbucks' expresso frappucino, movenpick's maple walnut ice cream, crunchy nachos with hot melted cheese, spagheddis' calamari, j8 food court's 'ma la mian', cup noodles, instant noodles, seoul garden...... blah blah blah... even the hawker centre's mee pok with extra chilli, vinegar, NO BEANSPROUTS, KETCHUP OR VEGETABLES.......
oh yeah... and.......................
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY CHAR!!!
enjoying my night of solitude in my room. suddenly realise how much i crave and need my personal space.
2:30 a.m. ... getting more and more wide awake as the night darkens.
no one sleeps before 3 in halls i believe.
someone save my dysfunctional body clock.
want to walk over to engine to buy cup noodles but lack coins.. SHUCKS!!!
miss my piano.
getting to sleep is a chore nowadays. by the time 4 am comes i'm usually too awake to fall asleep.
am seriously contemplating going for a run now.
the night is drawing me, pulling my nocturnal soul.
my phone's current greeting message is: "the night feeds the darkness in my soul"
miss the nights in france.
want to walk down the banks of the seine. feel the autumn breeze. hear the gentle lap of water. watch the leaves fall. hear the night whisper to me. dig up old memories. enjoy the sense of being alone in the world.
canoeing time trials on sat.
i chose to do k1
shit what if i capsize...
but paddling a T1 is hell.
school's been really tiring, even though it's only been the 1st week. and i'm not the only one who feels this way. almost all my friends feel quite drained and sick of everything. but i'm happy coz my friends keep me alive. =)
on another note.. sharm left on sat morning... at FREAKING 5 A.M.!!! so char and i spent a long cold night camping out at changi airport... eating at coffee bean, attempting to study, talking some, falling asleep.. and finally it became too freezing cold so we went out to the drop off point and i slept the rest of the night. and char!! bring a jacket or something next time man!!! heh. thank god candice's flight will be at a sane time.. 10 plus at night. anyway... was really surprised at how packed the airport was at 5 am.. apparently most of the people going to the states are leaving these few days and according to sharm, this was a particularly cheap flight, -northwest- so lots of singaporeans were on it. we were so shocked to see shan danielle and gerrie.. who were there to send gen off.. and they had no idea that sharm was flying off as well! went for a really early breakfast at BK and i think i was still half asleep coz when the guy asked if i wanted coffee, tea or iced milo i really had no idea what he was talking about! i knew i wanted tea and i could already taste it in my mouth, but somehow i just forgot it was called 'tea'... so i spent a really embarrassing 5 seconds umm-ing and ah-ing before i finally said 'tea'...
i love the airport. the sadness of parting, the joy at returning home, the anticipation of seeing a long-lost friend, the not wanting to return after a marvellous stint abroad... and many many more emotions all packed together.. and i can feel everything in the air. used to sit at the viewing gallery watching the planes fly off.. taking with them all these people with their hopes and dreams and i really wondered when it could be my turn. I want to leave someday, and somehow i know i will. I don't feel any emotional attachment to singapore at all. One day i'll just leave, with no strings attached, to find some place in the world that i can love with all my heart. Maybe France? I left a piece of myself there when i last went and i want to go back and find it again.
why do some people think it's so freaking easy to get attached? there's so much more to a relationship then just liking each other. some days i seriously doubt if i would want to get attached even if i find my soulmate. maybe i love freedom too much. then again, maybe if the right guy comes along, i might just want to start something with him. and what about him whom i love? he is slowly fading out of my life, out of my mind. some nights i dig deep inside me and cannot find much of him left. is love only transitory then? how could it be?
the raffles hall grand piano sucks! seriously it does!!!! firstly it's out of tune... really really way out of tune, some of the keys have sunk so deep inside they are incapable of producing sound of any form and the 'cover' of the piano bench has come off.. how how how am i gonna play it? no wonder the guy playing before me sounded so bad.....
and meanwhile i don't know what i'm doing online when i've a million other things due tomorrow.... there are tons and tons of stuff to read every night and assignments that are due very soon and stuff that i'm supposed to have read but haven't and ya.. the list goes on and here i am just happily blogging away.. and poor huiling is rushing her architecture project and i don't think we'll both get much sleep tonight... jia you girl!
but really despite all these i think life is great life is GREAT life IS GREAT LIFE IS GREAT!! =)
went running on the nus track tonight coz i was bothered by uhm... stuff.. but i really enjoyed my run. the cool night breeze on my face, my feet flying over the track, lap after lap.. pushing myself to the limit.. wow. incredible. but i also realised how unfit i am now. how am i ever gonna make a serious challenge on my canoeing days' 2.4 personal best time????....
char just reminded me not too long ago that it's world left-handers' day today! hey all you fellow lefties out there... this calls for a celebration! the celebration of our identity, our uniqueness, the gift that GOD gave us to stand out from the rest of the population. HAPPY LEFTIES DAY!!!
ok think i'm going a little nuts. but seriously.. those who know me well must know how much being left-handed means to me. i always say it's the greatest gift HE could have ever given me and i really believe it.
ok.. wonder how i'm gonna stay awake to complete all my readings.. considering i'm only starting like NOW...
i have a sprained finger. thank god it's not on my left hand. lefties of the world.. UNITE!!!
i hate it. hate it when i'm in a bad mood and snap at people without meaning to. then right away i feel guilty and that makes my mood even worse.
saw someone in school today whom i normally would have said hi to. but i just turned and took a detour just to avoid any contact. how antisocial.
bleargh...
this is one of the times when i feel unloved and unwanted.... and my mood is just going down down down from an initial high this morning. i don't even know what started it off. the soccer match? most probably. hah. those of you who read my site must think i'm feeling sentimental half the time and in a bad mood the other half. come to think of it, just one or 2 years ago i was really happy and carefree.. with practically no worries. now i've mood swings.. from total euphoria to utter dejectedness within minutes. even books i read can take me on an emotional roller coaster ride. and there are times when i feel numb and emotionally drained.. guess it's because i've started to feel and care much more for the people and things and situations around me and it's not entirely a bad thing. you can even call it good i guess. it would be really sad to go through life perpetually devoid of emotion.
yesh.. guess as usual i expected too much. was it even alot to expect? and what does it say? that I don't love? coz isn't love all about giving and not expecting anything in return? and is it even human to not expect anything in return? is that what love is about? shouldn't love be about sharing? to me love should be about sharing your life with someone... all your thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears, sorrow and joy. love is about giving; giving all that you can; taking all that the other has to give to you, and meeting up to each other's expectations such that your lives fall into a natural rhythm.
if at the end of the day, there is someone whom i love and someone who loves me, who would i choose? would i choose someone who can make me happy or someone whom i can make happy? the answer used to be pretty clear to me. but now i wonder. am I becoming more selfish? more cynical?
ok -snap out of depressed mood- . real's playing thailand now.. real leading 1-0. surprised actually. it's already the 2nd half and i expected more from real. hmmm... maybe a certain someone's pulling the whole team down. i'm not naming any names but you guys should know. oh well. but who am i to comment when i haven't even been watching it? ...
i'm obsessed with blogging..
hmm anyway started getting sentimental about canoeing again so surfed around and found the braca site.
here's the paddle i use!
here's what it says about my beloved bracsa IV: "The ever popular traditional Brácsa I shape but with reduced blade area. An exceptional blade for lightweight male and female athletes."
oh when will i ever get to hold mine in my hands again? right now he stands proudly in a corner of my room on his own sponge looking out of the window. i wonder if he yearns for the sea, the feeling of slicing through the water. does he think fondly of his training days long gone by? or is he content to just dream occasionally of kallang.. and wait patiently till i am ready for him again?
hmm.. tried looking for my very own k1 but don't even know it's manufacturer.. but found some lovely k1s in the process...
and
and of course i haven't forgotten my eternal dream of paddling in a k4!!
oh my god i just read my dearest roomie danette's blog and I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!!!
I DO NOT DISAPPEAR 90% OF THE TIME!!!!!!!!
i know you miss me alot most of the time, but ...
I was there when we hid under the beds, there when we went to ikea to shop for stuff for our room, there when lynn did her class klutz act and there to celebrate your bday with the huge happening bday cake that lynn bought!!!!!!!
hmmmph.. in fact I counted and i only disappear like 89.2% of the time ok!!!!!!!
heh.. but true.. law is quite happening...
but when term starts you'll be even more happening in your studio with your sketch pads and drafting pens and tracing paper and whatnots... hahaha...
then i'll start taking over the room!!!!!!!
oh and just to clarify things.. when i mentioned my new house in my last post i really meant my new HOUSE in hougang and not my new ROOM in RH...
=o)
woke up this morning realising it's the second last day of my wonderful 9 month long break. there were so many things I planned to do but never did come around to doing except maybe go out, and go out.. and go out.. and spend money. oh yes i spent so much money i don't even know where half of it went to. And in the meantime, my room is still in a huge mess, i've still forgotten most of my french, haven't made those long cycling trips round the island, haven't gotten my driving licence, haven't learnt how to roller blade, haven't gone on a trip with my friends (blame it on SARS!), haven't read as much as i wanted to, haven't downloaded enough music, haven't gone down to kallang to paddle, haven't beaten my 2.4 personal best, haven't played the piano enough, haven't paid off my enormous sleep debt yet (and trust me, it's gonna start accumulating once i officially move into my hall), haven't gone sky diving, haven't gone on my roller coaster tour, haven't visited highbury, haven't kissed santa claus, haven't eaten crocodile meat, haven't gotten drunk, haven't shoplifted, haven't murdered somebody.... and the list goes on and on and on.
guess i'll miss my piano the most when i start living on campus. my piano is the one i'll always go to when i'm down.. feeling melancholy or simply feel like playing something and it'll always manage to calm me down and make me feel at peace with the world again. i know i haven't been a very faithful owner and haven't been practising regularly since I stopped lessons 5 years ago and it sounds weird huh. me saying I love playing so much but somehow haven't managed to find the time and commitment to play regularly. hard to explain. besides that my technique is really bad now... have been trying to work on hanon and czerny to get better. one good thing is i think i play with much more emotional depth these days and I can really feel it. i used to dread debussy even though he was my favourite simply because i couldn't express well... and gone are the days when i loved bach simply because i could just bang and let my fingers run their way through the song without paying too much attention to expression...
sigh. i am so gonna miss my piano...
ok.. think i shall go spend some time with it.. and after that try to lug some of my rubbish to my new house........
sentosa was a blast! and my OG rocks!
funny how the thoughts were fighting their way out of my head and into my blog when i was sitting around being bored to tears at home and how words seem to fail me now when i've just returned from 3 days of fun, friends, the sand, sun and the sea, creepy legends and spooky abandoned houses...
oh and if you all are interested, i broke the law last night, at the tender age of 19. bwahahaha.. yes i really did!!! and i'm so proud of it!!!!!!!!!!
- a million grins -
brandied cherry has got to be the ^best^ ice cream flavour ever invented!
I remember sec 4 prom when we played bridge for about 9 hours straight with only lunch in between... and the canoeists' illegal gambling den on the southern island (can't remember which one) where I had an amazing winning streak... didn't ever think i could get sick of this game... now it seems like I am...
to you: when my days are packed, i don't think of you as much. the times i do, i don't see you as clearly; don't feel you as deeply. your face becomes merely one out of many in my sea of thoughts. i subconsciously stop myself from feeling too much. but all it takes is a little thing; a list; a word; a familiar name, to trigger a flood of emotions in me. memories come back to me in a rush... the heartache, the love, the tears, the joy, the comfort. Your face, your name, your touch, your words... all weave themselves into a web that binds me time and time again... and i fall under your spell...
10 things i've learnt recently:
1. court shoes are really really really uncomfortable. and i mean it.
2. that you'll graduate with 1st class honours if your mailbox no. is even
3. most female law freshies do not own a white long sleeved shirt
4. and when the need for one arises, the first place they think of is G2000.. and end up with exactly the same shirt.
5. some 21 year old guys do not know how to wear a tie
6. law seniors can already lie incredibly well
7. no one wants to serve you when you're wearing a t-shirt and shorts which make you look incredibly young
8. when you mention you need stuff for a LAW function suddenly they scramble over each other to serve you. really well.
9. catered food for law functions are really really good. trust me.
10. the only honest lawyer is a dead lawyer... or so they say.
to you:i've almost forgetten your face.
he looked so much like you it was scary. the same looks, right down to the little actions and mannerisms.
i had to stop myself from staring.
i don't know when i'll see you again
but i'll see him much more often
will his face replace the fading image of you that i have in my mind?
matriculation! now i guess you can call me a full-fledged nus student at last =) seems like i walked round campus a hundred times, spent hundreds of dollars (really!) and signed up for hundreds of things... and all in a day! oh yessh finally got a laptop! had initially decided on a toshiba satellite but switched to a toshiba portege m100 totally on impulse! just fell in love with it's compact elegant and sleek design. much much nicer than that chunky satellite which weighs 2.8 kg. i don't exactly want to do weights even when i'm not working out at the gym... especially since i joined canoeing!
saw shaun at the canoeing booth and was delighted when he told me he -in his own words- "just ordered a new batch of k1s" for the team. k1's!!! until i talked to another senior and realised his idea of 'batch' meant ONE. hmmm... signed up for canoe polo also which should be quite fun.. also also also *drumroll* motoring! can't wait to go go-karting man! =) ... now now now.. and where does that leave time for work?
oh yesh speaking of work. got our law mailbox keys already.. as fate would have it, my mailbox is right at the top! yes i have to reach up to fit the key in , tiptoe to even see if there's stuff inside and sorta fumble around in case there are small objects lying right at the very back. oh but i don't know if i can reach the back of my mailbox yet.. haven't exactly tried. arrrgh. yup this would have been hilarious had everyone else not been exclaiming in shock and horror upon finding stuff in their mailboxes. yes there was a pile of stuff inside.. some legal journals and whatnots. and of course a heap of notes on law of torts and contract law.. was there contract law? can'trememberhaven'tlookedateverythingyet.. oh my gosh hope we don't have to read everything before the first lecture coz i am reallyveryhappyenjoyingmyselfnow and don'twanttostartwork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
prof. beckman's talk today was thought provoking. hmm.. yes law is certainly a tough subject which requires lots of work, thinking, preparation and discussion and i do want to do well. so yes. no more slacking like i did in jc. although this thought horrifies me. i've been slacking since the end of O levels don't ask me how i got thru A levels but ya..
the highlight of friday was still CHECKING INTO MY HALL!!!! wow! although my room's a far cry from hotel standards and danette has to face a rubbish dump outside our rm when she wakes up in the morning it's still great!! =) my room looks out onto lots of greenery and huiling!! i heard a bird chirping when i went back this morn! so there's really niao3 yu3 hua1 xiang1 there! haha.. but if not for the trees we would be able to look right into lynn's and anqi's rm and spy on them -evil grin-. hall life is gonna be fun fun fun fun.
hmmm... haha.. well actually i kinda cheated coz i clicked around and tried different names before I found something I wouldn't mind dying of. Okok... it wasn't supposed to come out like that.. what i actually mean is i'd rather die of lead poisoning than other stuff like drowning..