i did it i did it! my virgin time in nus walking out of class during the break because the lesson was too boring! [not like the groo who does it ALL the time]... but anyways i was tired and grumpy and i didn't know what the hell was going on and so yes.. with a little instigation from grace, we both packed up our stuff and walked out of the classroom when he gave us a break. felt abit bad though since i've always thought it's not-very-nice to walk out on tutors but i did try to hide my bag and laptop from his view so that he'd just think that i was going out to the toilet or to get a drink or something. hmmmph anyway he's the one who told us that we were free not to come for class if we didn't feel the need to!
heh heh what a cheap thrill. reminds me of the time in sec 3.. or was it 4? that we skipped chinese class and hid in the library instead. and even wrote our names on the list of absentees so that our teacher wouldn't get suspicious at our absence. and later, the furtive hiding behind pillars to make sure that the teacher had already left the classroom before we dared to go back. so fun so fun! wish we could do it again...
boo boo
i'm disgusted at myself for being so lazy and unmotivated and greedy and hot-tempered and escapist and untidy and sloppy and ungrateful and unloving and uncaring and well, practically everything bad
some days i try to be good but on others i just don't give a damn.. it's much easier being my old disgusting self anyway.... waaay easier.
anyways calv brought us to the spinelli's at uni hall today ... which is a lovely place to study at ... provided you get there early enough to chope the powerpoint
and for biomed tut today we watched a video on a real life story of sue rodriguez and her battle with the canadian courts to be allowed to commit suicide with the aid of a doctor. she was suffering from AVS, a disease which was gradually eating away at the nerve cells, rendering her unable to walk or use her hands and well eventually she'd die from choking or suffocation so all she wanted to do was to be able to die with dignity before this happened.
but she wasn't allowed to... the canadian supreme court dismissed her appeal by a 5-4 majority. understandably of course, for the courts weren't willing to take such a great leap forward but still it feels like something's wrong somewhere.
committing suicide is legal in canada but assisting a disabled person to commit suicide because she is incapable of doing so herself isn't?
i'm a firm believer in personal autonomy - as long as what you want to do harms no one, by all means go ahead and do it. but i do realise that making assisted suicide legal is potentially dangerous. terminally-ill patients' wills may easily be swayed by people (like that sick b*stard from the Right to Die society in sue's case who was only concerned about advancing his own causes... ) such that their choices may not be really autonomous. but will we ever really know?
there must be some way out of this. there must.
people should be allowed to die if they are terminally ill and feel that life's burdens are beginning to outweigh the benefits. i would want to as well if i were in her shoes.
they say that ...
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
which is something i've not learnt and probably will not be able to learn
it sounds so wise and sensible.. but there is just something inherently wrong with it. because then, what are you two even doing together? you may be able to accept it once or twice, console and rationalize with yourself a few more times, but ultimately the disappointments and failed expectations just eats away at you. gradually. until you no longer see any meaning in it. in anything at all.
which leads to the question of .. why are people willing to stay with someone who makes them sad more often than happy? what we all deserve is a person who is sensitive to our wants and needs and who loves us enough to fulfill them (i'm referring what can reasonably be fulfilled of course). Nothing less. and outside of this, having no expectations (i.e. being single, NOT unconditional love, which is a great big myth anyway) would be much better than bearing a load of failed expectations wouldn't it?
so what should i do?
after 2 weeks of intensive 96-route training my body feels like it's conditioned for short-dist running already. not good. must get back into the slower + longer habit. last night's 5k was the most torturous 5k i'd done in a long time NO THANKS to the fat ass of a guy who decided to chase me after i overtook him. the groo says he followed me for about 1-2 rounds then died off but i was so afraid of losing to him that i fairly sprinted the next 4 rounds, all the while hallucinating about hearing his heavy footsteps right behind me. gah.
but actually i think the motivation for me to run really fast is the fear of being caught-up-on and overtaken, not wanting to chase someone in front of me. so i guess i have that KE7 girl to thank and (reluctantly), that fat-assed guy too
i want sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... !!!!!!!!!!! which i'm gonna get tonight!
anyways i think i'm starting to get a little arrogant about certain things... should really strive to keep my ego in check. besides i still have a long long way to go before achieving my goal and there are so many ppl out there who are way better than me.
and hopefully come 3rd dec 2006 i'll really have something to be proud of.
the motivation is back again finally... and just in time too for wednesday. hope i'm not burnt out by all the alternate-day trainings i've been having although now that i look back there seems to be so much more that i could have done -- pushed myself harder every training, run more frequently etc etc ... but in retrospect doesn't it always seem like we could have given so much more?
could feel that i was seriously burnt out yesterday ... was so tired into the first 100m of the run but i just forced myself to go on .. to throw my legs wider and not think and just go. and by the time i was halfway up the slope i was ready to give up and collapse by the roadside... it was something i hadn't felt in a long long while and to top it i was thinking 'why the f am i doing this? i HATE this!'
was seriously depressed after training ... but having somebody in front of me to chase made all the difference today. somehow i managed to ignore my aching muscles and on-the-verge-of-collapsing lungs and focus all my energy on catching up ... which i think i did a pretty good job of actually ... so now i've bettered my personal best for that disgusting 96 route by about 20 secs.
getting nervous just thinking about wed. timing-wise it's the best girls' team we've had by far in the past 3 years but why do i feel like it won't make much of a difference? coz other halls have freakin' ivp runners ... how are we ever gonna match up? even KE is pretty decent in road race ... so all i can say is ... shit. i'm damn damn damn damn scared.
gecko's cheese fries, though nowhere near billy bombers standard, are soooo soooo good! but oh man how sinful too especially with the 2 extra tubs of cheese... and road race coming up in less than a week's time.
for the clueless ... the latest craze now is not bridge, not maple (though it's coming back somewhat), but MAHJONG. and yes, at the expense of my work. i've tong1-xiao1-ed (meaning till the sun rises) at least 4 times in the past month, played into the wee hours of the morn countless other times and 1 day without at least a few games is just ... .... unimaginable.
one night about 2 weeks ago i had a nightmare. i dreamt that my parents were bringing my whole family to canada for a vacation during the long-ish chinese new year holiday. instead of being deliriously happy, i called the groo and sobbed my heart out because the canada trip = no mahjong on new yrs eve, no mahjong with the rg gals on the 2nd night, and no mahjong with the hallmates on the 3rd day. luckily it was only a dream.
anyways i've been doing quite well at mj recently ... and i'll not attribute it to the training session with the groo's mum [quite tempted to say 'mamma groo' actually.. which would be just damn hilarious] a few days ago but to the nice new bai2 ban3 keychain-like thingy now hanging on my wallet. thanks fang! i think it's bringing me luck man =)
gecko's cheese fries, though nowhere near billy bombers standard, are soooo soooo good! but oh man how sinful too especially with the 2 extra tubs of cheese... and road race coming up in less than a week's time.
for the clueless ... the latest craze now is not bridge, not maple (though it's coming back somewhat), but MAHJONG. and yes, at the expense of my work. i've tong1-xiao1-ed (meaning till the sun rises) at least 4 times in the past month, played into the wee hours of the morn countless other times and 1 day without at least a few games is just ... .... unimaginable.
one night about 2 weeks ago i had a nightmare. i dreamt that my parents were bringing my whole family to canada for a vacation during the long-ish chinese new year holiday. instead of being deliriously happy, i called the groo and sobbed my heart out because the canada trip = no mahjong on new yrs eve, no mahjong with the rg gals on the 2nd night, and no mahjong with the hallmates on the 3rd day. luckily it was only a dream.
anyways i've been doing quite well at mj recently ... and i'll not attribute it to the training session with the groo's mum [quite tempted to say 'mamma groo' actually.. which would be just damn hilarious] a few days ago but to the nice new bai2 ban3 keychain-like thingy now hanging on my wallet. thanks fang! i think it's bringing me luck man =)
candice
danette
danielle
diana
fang
hanshuo
james
jieyun
joanne
mavis
melissa
ru
shan
sharon
sylvia
xiuling
xiuying
i did it i did it! my virgin time in nus walking out of class during the break because the lesson was too boring! [not like the groo who does it ALL the time]... but anyways i was tired and grumpy and i didn't know what the hell was going on and so yes.. with a little instigation from grace, we both packed up our stuff and walked out of the classroom when he gave us a break. felt abit bad though since i've always thought it's not-very-nice to walk out on tutors but i did try to hide my bag and laptop from his view so that he'd just think that i was going out to the toilet or to get a drink or something. hmmmph anyway he's the one who told us that we were free not to come for class if we didn't feel the need to!
heh heh what a cheap thrill. reminds me of the time in sec 3.. or was it 4? that we skipped chinese class and hid in the library instead. and even wrote our names on the list of absentees so that our teacher wouldn't get suspicious at our absence. and later, the furtive hiding behind pillars to make sure that the teacher had already left the classroom before we dared to go back. so fun so fun! wish we could do it again...
boo boo
i'm disgusted at myself for being so lazy and unmotivated and greedy and hot-tempered and escapist and untidy and sloppy and ungrateful and unloving and uncaring and well, practically everything bad
some days i try to be good but on others i just don't give a damn.. it's much easier being my old disgusting self anyway.... waaay easier.
anyways calv brought us to the spinelli's at uni hall today ... which is a lovely place to study at ... provided you get there early enough to chope the powerpoint
and for biomed tut today we watched a video on a real life story of sue rodriguez and her battle with the canadian courts to be allowed to commit suicide with the aid of a doctor. she was suffering from AVS, a disease which was gradually eating away at the nerve cells, rendering her unable to walk or use her hands and well eventually she'd die from choking or suffocation so all she wanted to do was to be able to die with dignity before this happened.
but she wasn't allowed to... the canadian supreme court dismissed her appeal by a 5-4 majority. understandably of course, for the courts weren't willing to take such a great leap forward but still it feels like something's wrong somewhere.
committing suicide is legal in canada but assisting a disabled person to commit suicide because she is incapable of doing so herself isn't?
i'm a firm believer in personal autonomy - as long as what you want to do harms no one, by all means go ahead and do it. but i do realise that making assisted suicide legal is potentially dangerous. terminally-ill patients' wills may easily be swayed by people (like that sick b*stard from the Right to Die society in sue's case who was only concerned about advancing his own causes... ) such that their choices may not be really autonomous. but will we ever really know?
there must be some way out of this. there must.
people should be allowed to die if they are terminally ill and feel that life's burdens are beginning to outweigh the benefits. i would want to as well if i were in her shoes.
they say that ...
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
which is something i've not learnt and probably will not be able to learn
it sounds so wise and sensible.. but there is just something inherently wrong with it. because then, what are you two even doing together? you may be able to accept it once or twice, console and rationalize with yourself a few more times, but ultimately the disappointments and failed expectations just eats away at you. gradually. until you no longer see any meaning in it. in anything at all.
which leads to the question of .. why are people willing to stay with someone who makes them sad more often than happy? what we all deserve is a person who is sensitive to our wants and needs and who loves us enough to fulfill them (i'm referring what can reasonably be fulfilled of course). Nothing less. and outside of this, having no expectations (i.e. being single, NOT unconditional love, which is a great big myth anyway) would be much better than bearing a load of failed expectations wouldn't it?
so what should i do?
after 2 weeks of intensive 96-route training my body feels like it's conditioned for short-dist running already. not good. must get back into the slower + longer habit. last night's 5k was the most torturous 5k i'd done in a long time NO THANKS to the fat ass of a guy who decided to chase me after i overtook him. the groo says he followed me for about 1-2 rounds then died off but i was so afraid of losing to him that i fairly sprinted the next 4 rounds, all the while hallucinating about hearing his heavy footsteps right behind me. gah.
but actually i think the motivation for me to run really fast is the fear of being caught-up-on and overtaken, not wanting to chase someone in front of me. so i guess i have that KE7 girl to thank and (reluctantly), that fat-assed guy too
i want sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... !!!!!!!!!!! which i'm gonna get tonight!
anyways i think i'm starting to get a little arrogant about certain things... should really strive to keep my ego in check. besides i still have a long long way to go before achieving my goal and there are so many ppl out there who are way better than me.
and hopefully come 3rd dec 2006 i'll really have something to be proud of.
the motivation is back again finally... and just in time too for wednesday. hope i'm not burnt out by all the alternate-day trainings i've been having although now that i look back there seems to be so much more that i could have done -- pushed myself harder every training, run more frequently etc etc ... but in retrospect doesn't it always seem like we could have given so much more?
could feel that i was seriously burnt out yesterday ... was so tired into the first 100m of the run but i just forced myself to go on .. to throw my legs wider and not think and just go. and by the time i was halfway up the slope i was ready to give up and collapse by the roadside... it was something i hadn't felt in a long long while and to top it i was thinking 'why the f am i doing this? i HATE this!'
was seriously depressed after training ... but having somebody in front of me to chase made all the difference today. somehow i managed to ignore my aching muscles and on-the-verge-of-collapsing lungs and focus all my energy on catching up ... which i think i did a pretty good job of actually ... so now i've bettered my personal best for that disgusting 96 route by about 20 secs.
getting nervous just thinking about wed. timing-wise it's the best girls' team we've had by far in the past 3 years but why do i feel like it won't make much of a difference? coz other halls have freakin' ivp runners ... how are we ever gonna match up? even KE is pretty decent in road race ... so all i can say is ... shit. i'm damn damn damn damn scared.
gecko's cheese fries, though nowhere near billy bombers standard, are soooo soooo good! but oh man how sinful too especially with the 2 extra tubs of cheese... and road race coming up in less than a week's time.
for the clueless ... the latest craze now is not bridge, not maple (though it's coming back somewhat), but MAHJONG. and yes, at the expense of my work. i've tong1-xiao1-ed (meaning till the sun rises) at least 4 times in the past month, played into the wee hours of the morn countless other times and 1 day without at least a few games is just ... .... unimaginable.
one night about 2 weeks ago i had a nightmare. i dreamt that my parents were bringing my whole family to canada for a vacation during the long-ish chinese new year holiday. instead of being deliriously happy, i called the groo and sobbed my heart out because the canada trip = no mahjong on new yrs eve, no mahjong with the rg gals on the 2nd night, and no mahjong with the hallmates on the 3rd day. luckily it was only a dream.
anyways i've been doing quite well at mj recently ... and i'll not attribute it to the training session with the groo's mum [quite tempted to say 'mamma groo' actually.. which would be just damn hilarious] a few days ago but to the nice new bai2 ban3 keychain-like thingy now hanging on my wallet. thanks fang! i think it's bringing me luck man =)
gecko's cheese fries, though nowhere near billy bombers standard, are soooo soooo good! but oh man how sinful too especially with the 2 extra tubs of cheese... and road race coming up in less than a week's time.
for the clueless ... the latest craze now is not bridge, not maple (though it's coming back somewhat), but MAHJONG. and yes, at the expense of my work. i've tong1-xiao1-ed (meaning till the sun rises) at least 4 times in the past month, played into the wee hours of the morn countless other times and 1 day without at least a few games is just ... .... unimaginable.
one night about 2 weeks ago i had a nightmare. i dreamt that my parents were bringing my whole family to canada for a vacation during the long-ish chinese new year holiday. instead of being deliriously happy, i called the groo and sobbed my heart out because the canada trip = no mahjong on new yrs eve, no mahjong with the rg gals on the 2nd night, and no mahjong with the hallmates on the 3rd day. luckily it was only a dream.
anyways i've been doing quite well at mj recently ... and i'll not attribute it to the training session with the groo's mum [quite tempted to say 'mamma groo' actually.. which would be just damn hilarious] a few days ago but to the nice new bai2 ban3 keychain-like thingy now hanging on my wallet. thanks fang! i think it's bringing me luck man =)