wtf! i just realised that the sistine chapel and vatican museum are NOT included in the tour. and i was so looking forward to going back there again. oooh neither is the trevi fountain. nor the obelisk. nor ANY of the piazzas. whaaaaattheefffffff. seriously. i don't mean to be whiny or bitchy or complain-y or what (in fact i think i will enjoy myself very much over there) but really this is the LAST time i am going on tour. the abovementioned sites are already the tourist-iest of touristy sites and yet we're not going there. GRRR.
finally... it's MY turn.
for those who have asked / wondered about the meaning of my msn nick and why it is what it is:
from the secret history; the most heart-wrenching lines i've ever read -
(of course much of the context is lost if you haven't read the book.. but hopefully this suffices)
'Camilla, I love you,' I said. 'Let's get married.'
...
Finally she said: 'Richard, you know i can't do that.'
'Why not?'
'I can't. I can't just pick up and go to California.'
...
'I could help you.'
'I don't want you to help me.' She raised her head and looked at me: her gaze hit me hard and sweet as a shot of morphine
'I'll get down on my knees if you want me to,' I said. 'Really, I will.'
She closed her eyes, dark-lidded, dark shadows beneath them; she really was older, not the glancing-eyed girl I had fallen in love with but no less beautiful for that; beautiful now in a way that less excited my senses, than tore at my very heart.
'I can't marry you,' she said.
'Why not?'
I thought she was going to say 'because i don't love you,' which probably would have been more or less the truth, but instead, to my surprise, she said: 'Because I love Henry.'
'Henry's dead.'
'I can't help it. I still love him.'
'I loved him, too,' I said.
For just a moment, I thought i felt her waver. But then she looked away.
'I know you did,' she said. 'But it's not enough.'
The rain stayed with me all the way back to California. An abrupt departure, I knew, would be too much; if I was to leave the East at all, I could do so only gradually and so I rented a car, and drove and drove until finally the landscape changed, and I was in the Midwest, and the rain was all I had left of Camilla's goodbye kiss. Raindrops on the windshield, radio stations fading in and out. Cornfields bleak in all those gray, wide-open reaches. I had said goodbye to her once before, but it took everything I had to say goodbye to her then, again, for the last time, like poor Orpheus turning for a last backward glance at the ghost of his only love and in the same heartbeat losing her forever: hinc illae lacrimae, hence those tears.
xxx
i know i've posted this to death in the past but suddenly thought of it again.
its been one of my favourites since year 1
love his voice. love the lyrics. love the music. love the melancholy.
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to meJason Wade - You Belong to Me xxx depressed. shall go off and bury myself in my comfort book - the secret history - another thing which i've posted to death about. blah.
my eyes are wide open
i doonooo what to say really. but i think i ought to at least say something. about everything. oh but if i do it'll have to be cryptic. so why should i bother anyway. haha. i'm insane.
xxx
everyone .. and i mean really EVERYONE is gone. or going to be gone in the next few hours. blah. everyday i just go on msn and talk about grad trip grad trip grad trip and tell everyone who's going to japan how envious i am of them. and whine about going on tour. haha. and then i say bye take care enjoy yourself have a great trip blahblahblah but i realize that when its MY turn to leave no one will be left to tell me that! boooohoooooooooooooo!!!!!!! and celeste is always so happy to see me come online only because i'm like the ONLY online one in her msn law group. boooohooooo (x1000000). haha ok for once i'm glad that i dont sort my msn contacts into groups.
hmm i haven't gone on a rant like this for quite awhile i realize. zzz. my room looks like a war zone now .. can't believe i accumulated so much stuff in my 4 years living away from home. the first night i lugged everything back, there was literally no space to even walk around in my room and i had to sleep curled up in one small corner of my queen sized bed. packing for a trip is fun but packing my room is a bitchhhhh! (both of which i've barely done btw). argh.
*whine whine complain complain grumble grumble*
girls' night out tomorrow (or rather later today). can't wait!
itching to re-read the secret history as well. but it's at home =( oh wells will soon be moving home for good anyway. glad i've already gotten the freedom/going home late issue sorted out. 1 less thing to worry about. now if only i can figure out the best way to get wireless at home. should i pester dad to upgrade to a wireless plan or should i buy a router and sort it out by myself?
in denial.
its hard to believe that tomorrow i won't be waking up at 9, packing my laptop and notes and making the journey to btc to study. that in fact, this chapter of my life is over.
most people i know are leaving on their grad trips this week and we probably all won't see each other for the next month or so, or possibly even longer
booo
but its inevitable i guess.
james i quote you ok? coz i really like what you said ... 'And again, we go our separate ways. Separate grad trips, separate firms, separate companies, separare futures. We make our own destinies in life, and it may or may not include the people that we have came to depend upon. I have come to accept that, slowly but surely'
at least there's still plc hovering somewhere in the near future. but 7 months down the road, when finally finally we finish the last set of exams we'll ever take, i don't know if i'll be able to accept it.
and after all that has happened, i'm just glad that i hadn't given up my faith and trust. the past 9 months or so were not easy. there were times when your actions seemingly contradicted your words, when there were more questions than answers, and when i was so tempted just to give it all up because i didn't see the point anymore. but for some reason i didn't. and during the 'bashing' sessions i'm glad that although i had my gripes along with the rest, i always also defended you to the best i could and sought to find reasons to justify your (seemingly mystifying?) actions.
today just made me glad that i hadn't given up. and that my (our?) faith in your friendship hasn't been misplaced. because what happened showed me that you're still the same good old dependable soul i'd always thought you were.
thank you.
candice
danette
danielle
diana
fang
hanshuo
james
jieyun
joanne
mavis
melissa
ru
shan
sharon
sylvia
xiuling
xiuying
wtf! i just realised that the sistine chapel and vatican museum are NOT included in the tour. and i was so looking forward to going back there again. oooh neither is the trevi fountain. nor the obelisk. nor ANY of the piazzas. whaaaaattheefffffff. seriously. i don't mean to be whiny or bitchy or complain-y or what (in fact i think i will enjoy myself very much over there) but really this is the LAST time i am going on tour. the abovementioned sites are already the tourist-iest of touristy sites and yet we're not going there. GRRR.
finally... it's MY turn.
for those who have asked / wondered about the meaning of my msn nick and why it is what it is:
from the secret history; the most heart-wrenching lines i've ever read -
(of course much of the context is lost if you haven't read the book.. but hopefully this suffices)
'Camilla, I love you,' I said. 'Let's get married.'
...
Finally she said: 'Richard, you know i can't do that.'
'Why not?'
'I can't. I can't just pick up and go to California.'
...
'I could help you.'
'I don't want you to help me.' She raised her head and looked at me: her gaze hit me hard and sweet as a shot of morphine
'I'll get down on my knees if you want me to,' I said. 'Really, I will.'
She closed her eyes, dark-lidded, dark shadows beneath them; she really was older, not the glancing-eyed girl I had fallen in love with but no less beautiful for that; beautiful now in a way that less excited my senses, than tore at my very heart.
'I can't marry you,' she said.
'Why not?'
I thought she was going to say 'because i don't love you,' which probably would have been more or less the truth, but instead, to my surprise, she said: 'Because I love Henry.'
'Henry's dead.'
'I can't help it. I still love him.'
'I loved him, too,' I said.
For just a moment, I thought i felt her waver. But then she looked away.
'I know you did,' she said. 'But it's not enough.'
The rain stayed with me all the way back to California. An abrupt departure, I knew, would be too much; if I was to leave the East at all, I could do so only gradually and so I rented a car, and drove and drove until finally the landscape changed, and I was in the Midwest, and the rain was all I had left of Camilla's goodbye kiss. Raindrops on the windshield, radio stations fading in and out. Cornfields bleak in all those gray, wide-open reaches. I had said goodbye to her once before, but it took everything I had to say goodbye to her then, again, for the last time, like poor Orpheus turning for a last backward glance at the ghost of his only love and in the same heartbeat losing her forever: hinc illae lacrimae, hence those tears.
xxx
i know i've posted this to death in the past but suddenly thought of it again.
its been one of my favourites since year 1
love his voice. love the lyrics. love the music. love the melancholy.
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to meJason Wade - You Belong to Me xxx depressed. shall go off and bury myself in my comfort book - the secret history - another thing which i've posted to death about. blah.
my eyes are wide open
i doonooo what to say really. but i think i ought to at least say something. about everything. oh but if i do it'll have to be cryptic. so why should i bother anyway. haha. i'm insane.
xxx
everyone .. and i mean really EVERYONE is gone. or going to be gone in the next few hours. blah. everyday i just go on msn and talk about grad trip grad trip grad trip and tell everyone who's going to japan how envious i am of them. and whine about going on tour. haha. and then i say bye take care enjoy yourself have a great trip blahblahblah but i realize that when its MY turn to leave no one will be left to tell me that! boooohoooooooooooooo!!!!!!! and celeste is always so happy to see me come online only because i'm like the ONLY online one in her msn law group. boooohooooo (x1000000). haha ok for once i'm glad that i dont sort my msn contacts into groups.
hmm i haven't gone on a rant like this for quite awhile i realize. zzz. my room looks like a war zone now .. can't believe i accumulated so much stuff in my 4 years living away from home. the first night i lugged everything back, there was literally no space to even walk around in my room and i had to sleep curled up in one small corner of my queen sized bed. packing for a trip is fun but packing my room is a bitchhhhh! (both of which i've barely done btw). argh.
*whine whine complain complain grumble grumble*
girls' night out tomorrow (or rather later today). can't wait!
itching to re-read the secret history as well. but it's at home =( oh wells will soon be moving home for good anyway. glad i've already gotten the freedom/going home late issue sorted out. 1 less thing to worry about. now if only i can figure out the best way to get wireless at home. should i pester dad to upgrade to a wireless plan or should i buy a router and sort it out by myself?
in denial.
its hard to believe that tomorrow i won't be waking up at 9, packing my laptop and notes and making the journey to btc to study. that in fact, this chapter of my life is over.
most people i know are leaving on their grad trips this week and we probably all won't see each other for the next month or so, or possibly even longer
booo
but its inevitable i guess.
james i quote you ok? coz i really like what you said ... 'And again, we go our separate ways. Separate grad trips, separate firms, separate companies, separare futures. We make our own destinies in life, and it may or may not include the people that we have came to depend upon. I have come to accept that, slowly but surely'
at least there's still plc hovering somewhere in the near future. but 7 months down the road, when finally finally we finish the last set of exams we'll ever take, i don't know if i'll be able to accept it.
and after all that has happened, i'm just glad that i hadn't given up my faith and trust. the past 9 months or so were not easy. there were times when your actions seemingly contradicted your words, when there were more questions than answers, and when i was so tempted just to give it all up because i didn't see the point anymore. but for some reason i didn't. and during the 'bashing' sessions i'm glad that although i had my gripes along with the rest, i always also defended you to the best i could and sought to find reasons to justify your (seemingly mystifying?) actions.
today just made me glad that i hadn't given up. and that my (our?) faith in your friendship hasn't been misplaced. because what happened showed me that you're still the same good old dependable soul i'd always thought you were.
thank you.