*[[ Fairytale To Happen ]]*

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

just a small point.. but it's the most noteworthy thing that's happened to me since law camp started

so we - pc, celeste and i glanced at the list to see which room in rh we would be staying during the camp

"3-109"

my thoughts...
"block 3... good! not far from the dining hall"
then...

"3-109??!!!!!!"

can't believe the coincidence... i'm back in the dirty smelly room i'm so familiar with... purely by chance

anyway... yeah... this is the state my life has degenerated to... such that i'd get so excited over a small thing like that

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|5:25:00 PM|

Friday, June 25, 2004

while the rest of the world is peacefully slumbering away my mind can't let me rest. have been thinking about stuff which only haunts me at this time of the day and suddenly i am filled with this uncontrollable urge to get out of bed and blog.

you know how sometimes long after a particularly nice experience has passed and most of the memories and images have long faded, there still inexplicably remains the one aspect of it which still remains as clear and strong to remind you of it?

when annelise stayed with me i cleared out a section of my wardrobe and a shelf for her to use and it was on that shelf where she put her personal toiletries - eau de toilette, fruity lip balm such that everytime my wardrobe door was opened, this particularly sweet 'toiletries' aroma would waft out. it still lingered for months after she left and i loved it so much that i took to putting my own toiletries there too to re-create it.

over in france, i loved her toilet. the sparkling tub, basin and mirror and the radio that automatically turned on once the light switch was turned on was a lovely contrast to the rest of the house which had a mainly wood-ish decor. until today, when i breathe in i can still smell that scent as if she was still staying with me and i can close my eyes and see myself stepping into her toilet and spending long hours soaking in the tub just like i used to do

nice memories aside

during our girls' night out we were talking about how we can force our reactions and actions to any matter to be controlled and rational, but there is no way we can expect our emotions to be rational. and if there is a particular emotional feeling we are suspect to, it is up to us to deal with it as best as we can in real life, as it would be impossible not to feel that strong surge of emotion when faced with a situation.

ANYWAY i guess it's inevitable that as i start knowing more about their relationship in the past i'll start to feel a twinge of jealousy here and there. and the bitterness and anger that due to my parents, i can never share with him what he used to share with her, at least not for a very long time to come.. as if us not being able to do the same things together makes our relationship somewhat 'lesser' than theirs. i know that this is totally untrue, that there is still so many special moments that we share together, but there are times when i just want to lash out at the world for the seeming unfairness.

gaga.. i know you never knew i felt so deeply about this issue because i've been forcing myself to keep it inside me, to deal with it rationally. when i pretend it doesn't matter to me that much that i can't go to indonesia / china with you, in actual fact it hurts a damn hell lot. and it makes it worse knowing that you were once so happy there with someone else, and that it's something i can never hope to share with you now until a few years later. but i am trying to deal with it as best as i can for kicking up a fuss with my parents will do us both no good. actually i don't dwell on it night and day as it might seem; it's only during these sleepless nights that the bitterness resurfaces. i feel much better after getting it all out now and whats more.. there's still the next 2 sems together to look forward to =)

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|6:40:00 AM|

Monday, June 21, 2004

today is THE DAY. the day which i'm gonna attempt to stay at home and NOT go out for the first time in the holidays. for some weird reason this excites me although there's practically nothing to do at home except lying on my bed, sleeping, and more lying on the bed.

i miss going to coffee joints with some light reading material and just lazing the afternoon away there. funny how we just stopped doing it after we momentarily got into the save-money-for-the-future mode but never got back into the habit once spend-money-freely mode came back. but one thing about drinking coffee the whole afternoon is that when dinner time comes you greet it with much enthusiasm but the body unfortunately doesn't feel the same way. i feel full-ish and somewhat saturated although i haven't been eating anything for hours except maybe whipped cream and loose straw fibres and this spoils my pig-out mood considerably such that i become grouchy and don't really care about what's for dinner anymore.

anyway the jap place at B1 of plaza sing has fantabulous desserts. a scoop of ice cream in jap jelly with random small slices of fruits around and brown sugar syrup which comes in a tiny brown jug to pour over everything. kangaroo's had these small round 'tang yuan' like thingies in it which he is in love with and we have pretty much the same tastes in food but for once i can't fathom what's so great about slippery balls of cooked flour without the fillings.

walked around carrefour yesterday belting out french obscenities not too subtly but hell it was fun. my french teacher once cringed and blushed a little when he overheard me teaching my friend that same obscenity but really, the french have the nicest-sounding obscenities. they roll off my tongue beautifully and no one except the french themselves would know i meant something nasty - i could string together all the vulgar phrases i know and let them come out together in one long stream and people would think i was gushing about the flowers and sunshine and lovely rolling hills and blah.

back to lazing about on my bed
=)

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|10:18:00 AM|

Friday, June 18, 2004

venice.. oh lovely venice.. my favourite italian city

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:13:00 PM|

now i walk all around the house with blueberry cheesecake in tow (just like how a little child would suck her thumb and drag her toy doll behind her) because he's my substitute kangaroo... to be hugged and abused when the real one's away.. in camp this time re-learning how to protect the nation (that's how i like to think of reservist even though i'm probably horribly wrong)

wore the red commando beret yesterday and i did look rather silly with it perched on my head at a silly angle.. it was a nice kind of silliness and i wish i'd remembered to take a picture but amidst all that fun and laughter things like this just get forgotten.

speaking of red commando berets.. my girls.. do you remember that time after training when we walked to the national stadium to bathe and got the looks and jeers and whistles and whatnots from the ns guys sitting around? told eujin about it and he thinks it was most probably them.. him and the commandos and for awhile it got me all worked up and indignant again and for that i refused to speak to him for 5 seconds flat.

re-looking at my italy pics again and thinking about how beautiful that place is. the next time i go back i MUST fulfil my dream - that of sitting at one of the cafes in st mark's square drinking a 20-euro cup of coffee listening to live classical music (that's why the coffee's so ex) watching the famous pigeons fly around and looking at the hordes of tourists who've come to visit

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:52:00 AM|

Thursday, June 17, 2004

my kangaroo can finally drive legally on the roads!
and he's lived up to the example i've set so far.. passed 1st time with 12 pts and during the 430 slot where entering the bus lane is a big nono. heh sometimes the coincidences are so amazing
but he still maintains that he's the better driver so... we shall see *grin* .. i have enough faith in my skills..

still cannot find slippers after combing the entire parkway + marine parade central
*grump*

really seriously getting addicted to arcade games.. damn damn.. just watch my money fly away

it's freaking hot at home.. and match is boring as usual coz i'm watching it
well what's new..
*grrrummp*

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|1:12:00 AM|

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

5 am and i still can't sleep.. dunno what's wrong with me tonight.. i actually lay on the bed and tried very hard for 45 mins and gave up in the end and came out to watch soccer. been falling asleep on my book with the lights on every night for the past week or so so why is tonight so different??..

again.. dunno what's wrong with me.. every time i decide not to watch a match the next morning i wake up and realise i've missed lots of action and goals. and when i plant myself in front of the tv the match is always boring like hell and i just want to fall asleep.

anyway phone bill just arrived. $640 in total which was a huge relief coz we were both praying for it not to go near the 4-digit region. surprisingly parents only nagged for < 2 mins and decided to pay $140 for me. and i'm splitting that in 1/2 with kangaroo so not that bad la haha =) too bad.. that's the price to pay for having 2 lonely prawns.. long2 xia1 in hk/sg and hei3 bi4 in italy

but this is badddd... bank balance is dropping at an alarming rate... how how how??!!

kangaroo brought me to eat some supposedly famous prawn noodles at potong pasir today. when i got there i realised the coffeeshop is actually next to my ex-piano teacher's house. CHEH. i'd eaten there so many time before actually.. thought it was something special. haha sorry gaga i know you always bring me to these places you love but i just can't tell the difference between normal-tasting food and good food.

ANYWAY i was telling him how my piano teacher used to open the door when i was playing coz plants grow better when they have music to listen to.. and he LAUGHED.. HMMPH!!!! what's wrong with that man.. i used to play at home to my mum's plants all the time what.. and they turned out pretty nice =)

ok rambled for long enough i guess...
better go back and try to sleep
gaga fell asleep with his laptop on... tsk tsk..

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|5:20:00 AM|

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

this is a desperate plea for help

anyone knows where to get those soft-ish quite ladylike flip flops that look casual yet are wearable out for most occasions?
those (mostly) $10 per pair kind?
argh ... hope you all know what i'm talking about coz i don't sound very coherent even to myself

there used to be shops all over the place selling them but now i can't find any!!!
only nus bazaars sell them now but i can't wait THAT long.. my current pair is falling to bits

argh argh argh.
if they do fall to bits what am i gonna do then
stay at home and not go out maybe

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:12:00 PM|

Sunday, June 13, 2004

was at kino yesterday when i stumbled upon this impromptu french lesson being conducted upon their premises.
REAL BASIC FRENCH
like how to say one, two , three, four, yellow, green... that kinda nonsense.
and the alliance francaise people were around handing out BASIC FRENCH booklets and pamphlets

to my immense indignation i was handed one too. ok fine. so there was no way she could have known from my face that i actually completed AO french. so i took it... resisting the urge to tell her that i had a much much better command of french than all the interested faces standing around there. bah.

that was my ego speaking there... haha

anyway i miss french lessons i miss french lessons i miss french lessons!

especially in sec 4.. mme tze wasn't exactly the best of french teachers but the lessons were fun and nice =) and she was nice =) too bad she couldn't go to france with us at the last min though. somehow i have a feeling she would, in her own quirky way, have kept us entertained every day. not that there was a lack of entertainment with our dearest M. Auge around, not to mention a certain immensely funny (to put it nicely) TCHS lad. hmmm.

ahhhhh anyway.. fond memories aside...

to think i was actually troubling over finding an affectionate name to call him
this one came easily enough one day after an overdose of lunch when both of us were stumbling around like a pair of drunken prawns.
so long2 xia1 and hei3 bi4 came into existence

guy and girl.
da4 long2 xia1 and xiao3 hei3 bi4. (or as he disputes...)
xiao3 long2 xia1 and da4 hei3 bi4.
kangaroo and darling.
gaga and dada.
you and me.

=)

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|8:49:00 PM|

Friday, June 11, 2004

fang complains that i haven't been blogging recently. yeah i know... but it seems like nothing noteworthy is happening these days. every day i spend with my kangaroo is a great one but i think i should spare everyone the details. -grin-. other than that it's just dragging my ass down to school for o-team prop building which thankfully is over at last and going down to sentosa to check out the abandoned mansions for matric week. ahem. can't reveal too much here in case any potential law freshie is reading this... you never know man.

it must be the weather... been feeling a little out of sorts recently.. headache.. dizziness sometimes under the sun & on the bus and queasiness in the stomach. plus a (surprisingly) complete lack of appetite at mealtimes some days. poor kangaroo's displaying some of the above symptoms too and to a greater degree than mine as well.

my kangaroo's becoming a nerd. i never thought the day would come when he would be the one dragging me into bookshops and libraries instead of it being the other way round. but alas that day has arrived and i don't know whether to be shocked or happy.

remarkable things i have done of late include
1) walking all the way home from parkway parade following the 55 route one night. took us just under 2 hours to complete the journey

and

2) running 4.8 km the following morning under the hot sun. ALONE.

and so this is how remarkably un-remarkable my life has become of late
there are times when i do wish school could start soon
but then i'll have to start praying that ian doesn't become my trial advocacy tutor because if this really happens it's gonna be quite weird... imagine being taught by someone i know... a friend in fact... when i just want to be a nobody in the class.
yikes
anyway the chances of that happening are like 1 in 17++
so hopefully i need not pray too hard
haha

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|7:09:00 PM|

everytime our eyes meet
this feeling inside me
is almost more than i can take

baby when you touch me
i can feel how much you love me
and it just blows me away

i've never been this close
to anyone or anything
i can hear your thoughts
i can see your dreams

i don't know how you do what you do
i'm so in love with you
it just keeps getting better

i wanna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side
forever and ever

every little thing that you do
baby i'm amazed by you

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|10:30:00 AM|

Sunday, June 06, 2004

char and i on top of the dome of st peter's square

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:09:00 PM|

Friday, June 04, 2004

view from the plane on the flight back

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:18:00 AM|

countryside!

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:17:00 AM|

assisi.. where st francis was born

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:15:00 AM|

flowers by the road

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:12:00 AM|

each of us having our own toilet bowl! and don't worry i made sure his was CLEAN

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:04:00 AM|

with blueberry cheesecake in the hotel lobby

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:01:00 AM|

Thursday, June 03, 2004

ruins at the roman forum. isn't the sky so blue and the grass so green?

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:59:00 PM|

some place on the outskirts of rome where the pope goes on holiday

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:57:00 PM|

rome - the colosseum

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:56:00 PM|

vatican city - view from the dome of st peter's basilica

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:54:00 PM|

somewhere in the countryside

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:51:00 PM|

waterway in venice

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:50:00 PM|

venice in the evening.. with st mark's square and the palace in the background

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:47:00 PM|

view from the plane from the way to italy

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:45:00 PM|

i watched harry potter today.

i guess the above line was enough for the few of you who know me well enough to go into shock. but it's true. it's horribly horribly true. again i'm reminded of the times in the past when i fervently declared to anyone and everyone present that i would NEVER EVER watch/read harry potter or lord of the rings or star wars. but i guess only that ONE person can make me do it...
we even almost had a quarrel over why i was being so pig-headed about not watching these movies. but i don't care i have always been pig-headed and enjoy being pig-headed about nonsense like this.
BUT i still got persuaded in the end.

anyway during the movie an alarm started ringing somewhere in the building and red lights started flashing under the exit signs. people started wondering what was going on but almost everyone refused to budge an inch from their seats. false alarm anyway. but it makes you wonder if it has to take smoke filling up the room and flames leaping at their feet before everyone would get up and run for their lives

some financial planner guy calculated for me today that... for me to retire comfortably at 62... i will need

$972,000. excluding inflation.

and by 42 (assuming i save 1/2 of my retirement fund by then which is ~500K)
i will need to have
500,000 + ~120,000 (car. which is damn damn little already since most of you know my dream car is a maserati spyder..) + ~800,000 (condo)
= 1.45 MILLION FREAKING BUCKS.

and where on earth am i gonna get this kind of money from.
so people if you want to retire comfortably and own a car and house in your lifetime better start thinking hard. and saving hard man.

maybe i should just stay at home everyday and not venture out unless it's to school.
and live on bread and water for every meal...

yeah right..

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|10:50:00 PM|

i feel like i'm only beginning to live the childhood, or rather teenagehood that i never had. it's getting quite addictive, this arcade thingy. the way i drag my poor kangaroo from game machine to game machine and abuse the game controls and squeal and curse alternately is quite scary. and sometimes at the end of the day i close my eyes and can still see the bars and dots and arrows and whatnots moving around the game screen. now i know what i've been missing out on.. and to think i used to think that hanging out at orchard almost every afternoon in sec 4 was cool. well i still think it is... haha.. but
my kangaroo has waaay more colorful childhood stories to tell.
fine. so i was waaay deprived last time.

the rooftop of law fac is a wonderful wonderful place.
and trying to squirt water out of a bottle onto unsuspecting passersby below is a wonderful wonderful pastime when you're on the wonderful roof and have nothing better to do
joke of the day: the nus OED actually forbade us to store out cardboard boxes and props on the rooftop because it would be, in their words, a TERRORIST HAZARD. wtf. they were afraid terrorists would plant bombs in our props and blow up law school.
ridiculous
as if any terrorists would know we had all these stuff stashed up there.
as if any of us belongs to some sleeper cell or whatever.
bah

the days nowadays are just passing in a whirl and blur. everything just gets mashed up in this wonderfully deliriously happy comfortable jumble of stuff such that i really can't remember what the current day is. or what i did the previous day even.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|12:24:00 AM|