*[[ Fairytale To Happen ]]*

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

what i really really want to tell u, but can never, is that everytime you hurt me, everytime you say something mean, everytime you neglect to keep your promises and everytime you do something that makes me realise how little i in fact mean to you, you are actually pushing me further and further away from you.

it used to be that one little thing could keep me awake with worry and pain all night, and i can't even begin to count how many times i've cried myself to sleep. because of you.

now my heart is becoming numb. i seem to be able to compartmentalize the pain and push it away somewhere where i do not have to deal with it. this is seriously tiring me out. and now when i'm so tired and empty and drained i seem to finally be able to see the truth which has been staring me in the face all this while; the truth which i'd always wanted to avoid facing up to.

my head knows exactly what is best for me, but my heart is balking at the thought of it.
someone, somewhere. give me strength. give me a direction. here, there, anywhere. i'm so utterly lost.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|9:31:00 PM|

Sunday, May 25, 2008

it all started out as a hazy notion that this might be a good goal to work towards this year... considering how slack i have been in this aspect of my life.

now after further research, i am DEFINITELY setting this as one of THE goals to strive for. can't say what it is yet... am certain i will meet with considerable ridicule and doubt, and telling others will only put more pressure on myself. yet the thought of being able to achieve it sends a delicious thrill all over me.

7 minutes.
i will do it, or die trying.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|9:36:00 PM|

Saturday, May 17, 2008

i remember how it was so difficult whenever he went away. the tears would inevitably fall, along with the feelings of emptiness and fear that i just might lose him forever. i just couldn't wait to hear that he had landed safely.

how different it is with you now. i drop you off, receive my goodbye hug, and happily get on with the rest of my life.

why?
do i not give a damn?
has being with you taught me to be too independent?
or is it just that i love you more than i need you whereas with him i needed him more than i loved him?

why is it that you insist that you love me more than i love you when i am absolutely sure that it is the other way round?

a million whys but i guess we'll never ever know for sure will we?

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|2:53:00 AM|

Thursday, May 01, 2008

i hereby declare that my life, from today on, will be dedicated to Raphael, my soon-to-be car. i promise that he will be most lovingly taken care of and ensure that he will be the happiest, zippiest, shiniest, proudest and most handsome and well-kept car on the roads.

i love you already.

*[[ And they lived happily ever after... ]]*
|11:31:00 PM|